by jot and tittle

In Ontario, we are in the midst of our two week Christmas break. I've never had a two week Christmas break before because I've always worked jobs that required someone to be there, holidays or not. This year, I predominately teach and when the kids get a break, I get one too.  I don't think I've ever had so much time off and stayed home. Years ago, I took time off to travel Europe, which meant a busy schedule and lots of excitement (if you go, take the train, not the bus). This time, I am spending most of my time tucked in my cozy apartment with a few excursions to visit family and friends.  I am not busy now. I am reading books and plugging away at a school course, walking my subdivision and baking banana bread. And I am thinking. And I am noticing that God is not as close as He used to be.  In the busy, it is easy to get up and do morning devotions and then move on to the next thing that must be done, but in the quiet and calm there is time to sit and wait and notice....

"Lord, you're so good. My cup is so full...it's just...it's not the cup I asked for." That's what I prayed one evening this week. If life is a party, I had asked for a Shirley Temple and received ginger ale. Ginger ale isn't bad, it just isn't what I asked for.  Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe you asked to live close to your family and you live across the country, or you wanted a career as a plane pilot and you're working as a used car salesmen. It's not bad, it's just not what you asked for.  When that happens, we have two choices: give thanks for what we have or stew about what we don't have. This week I was frustrated with the hard parts of my story that I have to deal with...like budgeting and taking out the garbage. So, there I am, telling God about all these things I don't really like, and then my phone buzzed with a kind text message from a friend. Just like that, the Lord reminded me that yes, my life is full and kind of ...

Contentedly situated in lawn chairs with our toes in the sand and the baby playing on a blanket at our feet, my friend and I watch her girls digging holes or running between the beach and the lake. Periodically, the girls run up to us to display the shells and rocks they've found. At one point, as the girls surround us, one of us adults comments on the baby being chubby (which she is, as a baby should be) after which one of the girls looks at me and says, "you're kind of chubby." She wasn't trying to be rude or smart, she was just being bluntly observant as children are. As I looked at I her and considered an answer, I thought of the baggage of body image that women have carried for generations, and I thought, I don't want her to carry this baggage too. I want better for her.   I replied, "you know, being a little chubby is actually a good thing. Our bodies function better and it helps keep us warm." This deep lesson was probably lost on her as she s...

You know how you can read the Bible twice, ten times, a hundred times and yet there's still something you haven't noticed or thought about before? That's basically my relationship with 1 Samuel 16:12-23. This is where Samuel anoints David to be king (first he had to meet all David's other brothers because David was the youngest so he was out taking care of the sheep). After the family dinner with Samuel, the text shifts back to King Saul. Because King Saul had disobeyed God, God had removed His Spirit from Saul and sent an evil spirit to terrorize him. In order to sooth the king's suffering soul, Saul's servants go out looking for someone who can play music to make him feel better.  There's a lot to think about in these short verses but the verse that struck me is verse 18.  Then one of the young men said, "Behold, I have seen a son of Jesse the Bethlehemite who is a skillful musician, a might man of valor, a warrior, one prudent in speech, and a handso...

 Pragmatism is the philosophy that believes things have value based on their effectiveness; the idea that if something works it is right. Usefulness is most important. And this philosophy is thriving in our culture today, partly because it is so sneaky. Of course we want to use systems that are effective and produce good results, but the danger lies in only valuing something or someone for what they can do. For example, certain people are not very useful, therefore it is okay to remove them from society; or taking care of one's home does not bring in money, therefore it is not as valuable as work that does produce money.  John Snyder says that "in religion, pragmatism values God; but it values Him because He is the most useful of all beings. He can empower us to accomplish our goals--world evangelism, healthy families, personal fulfillment, moral excellence--whatever they are. A useful God is the pragmatist's great desire. Though hard to spot at times, the shift from worsh...

 A couple weeks ago, a young woman asked me, "what is your purpose?" it kind of threw me off. Ok, it really threw me off. It seemed a bit touché to say "to glorify God and enjoy Him forever" when she was looking for specifics. And I get why she's asking. My life does seem pretty random. Thirty-two years old, working on my BA, teaching music part time, working at a coffee shop part time, and living at least an hour from my closest family member. On paper it looks...well...it looks random. I get it. Kind of hard to pull a purpose out of the randomness.  I was talking to the Lord about it because sometimes, even for myself, the person living this life, it's hard to find a specific purpose in the randomness. Sometimes I wonder,  when I get to Heaven if I'm  going to have anything to offer God, if while other people show up with their kids, I'm going to hold out empty hands and say "it's just me." I mean, if He wants soldiers to defeat spiri...