Skip to main content

Heart Beat

At the ladies' lunch-in
Women gathered about
and one woman's rounding belly
makes the stories all come out

About pain and hours and labour
And diapers and juice cups and dirt
And my heart begins to squeeze
But my face won't show the hurt

Once a heart too small to feel
beat inside of me
but no one even knows it
Except my husband and God Almighty

My stomach was getting bigger
I was soon to show
We were going to tell everyone
But then that little heart ceased to grow

And I don't know why it happened
But I know that there was pain
Not only for my body
More like in every way

Why did God let this happen?
Would I have been such a bad mum?
What did I do so wrong?
How could I tell anyone?

Now I know there is a reason
But that doesn't stop the pain
And even though time has passed
I feel it every day

To loose a child before you meet
Ravishes your heart
And to hear all these women's stories
Again tears it apart

Yes, my heart is hurting
Yes, there's pain inside
And yes I'm happy for you
But the talking makes me cry

So I'll respect your stories
And love the little one we soon will meet
But can we talk of something else?
And maybe my sore heart once more will beat

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Surprise Sin

Over Easter weekend I had the opportunity to visit my grandparents. We caught up over soup and egg salad sandwiches and then migrated to the living room with cups of tea. Gradually the conversation turned to a couple young siblings from their church whom they've observed seldom fight. Sometimes these kids do get angry or annoyed with each other and then they fight, but that is not their normal relationship. My grandfather made this observation, "isn't that just like sin? You are living your life of obedience and then all of a sudden its like sin gets the better of you." It was a comforting statement coming from my elderly grandfather who has been walking with the Lord for over 80 years. Even as a seasoned saint, sin still creeps up on him. But it has also made me think quite a bit. Sometimes I am tempted to think that if I do everything right (regular devotions, get enough sleep, listen to good music, eat well, have Christian fellowship, exercise) then I won't fal...
Post a Comment
Read more

Actually, I'm engaged

If you are a Christian you are part of the greatest love story every told to mankind. This story begins with God speaking and it ends with an "amen". It's found between the covers of this book called "The Bible" and if you haven't read it I suggest you begin immediately because you will be amazed at the love recorded there. If you are a Christian you are described as a member of God's church and if you are a member of His church you are also part of the Bride of Christ (Ephesians 5). You might say that Israel in the Old Testament was God's church and He made His love story very clear to them as well...though not because they deserved it. Song of Solomon tells the deep, intimate love of Christ for His church and the adoration of the church for Jesus; it's the story of how it should always be . Sadly, in a few books later we read a story that is heart wrenching. Ezekiel 16 is titled "The Lord's Faithless Bride" because this bride, t...
2 comments
Read more

Delayed Grief

 Grief is a crazy thing. Sometimes you cry till you fall asleep, sometimes you're angry, sometimes you can't feel anything, and sometimes you're so, so tried. Grief is also unpredictable in that it can take a long time to heal...and sometimes it feels like its been healed and then you're crying on your way home from the grocery store and you aren't even sure why. Grief is not logical and polite and convenient. It interrupts our lives on its terms. A couple mornings ago I was thinking about how tired I am. I'm not weepy or angry or even really sad, just tired, and this tiredness is physical, mental, and emotional. Which surprises me because my life is actually really great and I haven't had anything in recent months to be sad about. However, the more I contemplated it,  I think the tiredness is a long term symptom of a deep sadness that I lived in a couple years ago. Which is the first thing I wanted to share with you. Maybe, like me, there has been nothing r...
Post a Comment
Read more