Skip to main content

Heart Beat

At the ladies' lunch-in
Women gathered about
and one woman's rounding belly
makes the stories all come out

About pain and hours and labour
And diapers and juice cups and dirt
And my heart begins to squeeze
But my face won't show the hurt

Once a heart too small to feel
beat inside of me
but no one even knows it
Except my husband and God Almighty

My stomach was getting bigger
I was soon to show
We were going to tell everyone
But then that little heart ceased to grow

And I don't know why it happened
But I know that there was pain
Not only for my body
More like in every way

Why did God let this happen?
Would I have been such a bad mum?
What did I do so wrong?
How could I tell anyone?

Now I know there is a reason
But that doesn't stop the pain
And even though time has passed
I feel it every day

To loose a child before you meet
Ravishes your heart
And to hear all these women's stories
Again tears it apart

Yes, my heart is hurting
Yes, there's pain inside
And yes I'm happy for you
But the talking makes me cry

So I'll respect your stories
And love the little one we soon will meet
But can we talk of something else?
And maybe my sore heart once more will beat

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Back in Time

I pulled into the laneway of a home that I'm sure would have looked quaint if I could have seen it through all the trees. The sign by the road read "hanging baskets and railroad ties" and lo and behold that was just what I was looking for (I mean the railroad ties, not the hanging baskets).  I parked close to the grass incase a buggy had to get by and slipped out of the red mini van. I didn't see anyone. That, however, does not mean that someone did not see me. I strolled over to look at the flowers to wait for someone to come out and see what the crazy girl with the pony-tail was doing on their property. A large dog, missing his right eye, managed to find me first and it was while I was petting this friendly, half blind, beast that the house seemed to spit out a young lady. She was wearing a long dress, an apron, and a head covering. She walked toward me with a smile and I recognized her from a singing I had gone to at the neighbors place a few months earlier. I ...
2 comments
Read more

Hope in Sadness

 The Lord graciously made me with a happy disposition. My natural bent is joy. A couple years ago, however, something happened that shattered my heart. Due to the extreme emotional hurt, I was physically ill. I cried every day for weeks, then a couple times a week for months. For a long time I was sad. For years, the truest, deepest emotion I felt was sadness. When you live with sadness you get pretty good at carrying on. You live your normal life but where the world used to be full of colour, now your life is tinted by grief. If someone asked "how are you?" I could honestly say "good" because I was walking closely with God, but if someone had asked "how do you feel?" I would have had to reply "sad."  Psalm 66 became the theme of my emotional experience. "You brought us through fire and through water, you laid a crushing burden on our backs."  That's how I felt.  All the time.  Surrounded by fire and water, often burdened beyond wha...
Post a Comment
Read more

Gifts; A Joyful Face

I sat at the booth and checked my phone to make sure my friend knew where to find me. She had just parked and was walking over. Perfect. I ordered a cup of tea and was contentedly sipping on it when she entered. Seeing me immediately, she made a beeline for our table, took her seat, and looked up.  Her face was filled with joy as she asked how I was.  "I'm good," I said, slightly amused. "Why are you so happy?" "Oh," she shrugged. "I just am."  "I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices." ~Psalm 16:8-9a "As in water face reflects face, so the heart of a man reflects the man." ~Proverbs 27:19 Amidst all the sorrow and anger and fighting of our broken world this woman's face stood out. The joy in her eyes reflected the joy of her heart; a heart that had spent time with Jesus.  Throug...
Post a Comment
Read more