Many years ago I had the pleasure of attending a youth camp with a bunch of other church kids. Besides sports, lectures, swimming, and campfires we also had workshops. I love workshops. Small groups of people getting to know each other by discussing faith and life and whatever else comes to mind. In my personal opinion, girls-only workshops are the best of the best because when it's just girls we tend to get a lot more personal (sorry guys, that's just the way it is). In one such workshop my leader said something that I have pondered ever since.
My seventeen-year-old self did not know what to do with this information. Blink. Blink again. Did she really just say that? Is that true? Are all of us single ladies doomed? If singleness is a curse and curses are bad how could Paul do so much for Jesus? Maybe it's only a curse for women...
It didn't make sense that any stage in life from God could be full-out cursed for everyone. Being a child, wife, husband, father, mother, or grandparent are all perfectly legitimate stages (hard, yes, but certainly not cursed) so why should singleness be any different?
However, the older I get, the longer I stay single and have single friends, the more I realize that even though people don't typically verbalize "singleness is a curse" they certainly don't imply that it's a blessing either. Suggestions for dates, offers to set you up or help you make an online account, and prayer on your sorry single behalf are all norms. Things really get to a climax when your well meaning friends see you talking to a single member of the opposite sex. That means love. If you're talking to each other you've gotta be in love, or at least interested. And don't even get me started on sharing a hymnbook in church!
Where does this notion get us? At the very least annoyed, at the very worst discontent with our God. Why are you still single? really translates into How did God manage to mess up with you? And so we have churches containing an entire group of people who are believing a lie fed to them by their brothers and sisters in Christ. That might sound harsh. But it's true. The underlying assumption is that you cannot be a whole person unless you are married, as if marriage completes you.
And if you aren't a whole person why would you bother to serve? If you need to be married to be complete then you probably also need to be married to show hospitality, work on committees, evangelize, teach Sunday school, be an elder or deacon, bake casseroles for the elderly, care for widows and orphans, or just about anything else that is commanded in the Bible. While it may be easier to care for orphans and show hospitality if you are married it is also entirely possible to do so if you are single. Singleness does not disqualify you from any of God's commandments.
"I just want you to be happy," some say. Marriage equals happiness? I am positive that there is happiness in marriage but I am also absolutely certain that marriage is not the only way to be happy on this earth. Unless you're married to God.
Our God is a God of love, tenderness, compassion, kindness, giving, and encouragement. He is enough. He is enough for married people and for single people. The longer I stay single the more in-love with Jesus I become. He will never leave me or forsake me, He always has time for me, He leads me with patience and rebukes me in love. I believe singleness, like all of God's providences, is a blessing.
Just as I need to encourage the mother who has been up five times in the night with a sad baby so I need to be encouraged by those around me that God's plan is good. We need to be people who remind each other of His promises and do it often. We all need to be encouraged to live sold-out lives for Jesus no matter what our station is. We all need to be reminded to use our gifts and time in His service no matter what challenges may accompany our positions.
So is singleness a blessing or a curse? I suppose that will depend very much on you and how you chose to view it. Complaining is easier than rejoicing and submitting. But no complainer ever found joy until he was willing to submit. Singleness may not be your first choice for you or for a friend; but it's what our Heavenly Father has gifted. The question is; what will you do with it in regards to yourself and others? Bless or curse?
"I think being single is a curse."
My seventeen-year-old self did not know what to do with this information. Blink. Blink again. Did she really just say that? Is that true? Are all of us single ladies doomed? If singleness is a curse and curses are bad how could Paul do so much for Jesus? Maybe it's only a curse for women...
It didn't make sense that any stage in life from God could be full-out cursed for everyone. Being a child, wife, husband, father, mother, or grandparent are all perfectly legitimate stages (hard, yes, but certainly not cursed) so why should singleness be any different?
However, the older I get, the longer I stay single and have single friends, the more I realize that even though people don't typically verbalize "singleness is a curse" they certainly don't imply that it's a blessing either. Suggestions for dates, offers to set you up or help you make an online account, and prayer on your sorry single behalf are all norms. Things really get to a climax when your well meaning friends see you talking to a single member of the opposite sex. That means love. If you're talking to each other you've gotta be in love, or at least interested. And don't even get me started on sharing a hymnbook in church!
Where does this notion get us? At the very least annoyed, at the very worst discontent with our God. Why are you still single? really translates into How did God manage to mess up with you? And so we have churches containing an entire group of people who are believing a lie fed to them by their brothers and sisters in Christ. That might sound harsh. But it's true. The underlying assumption is that you cannot be a whole person unless you are married, as if marriage completes you.
And if you aren't a whole person why would you bother to serve? If you need to be married to be complete then you probably also need to be married to show hospitality, work on committees, evangelize, teach Sunday school, be an elder or deacon, bake casseroles for the elderly, care for widows and orphans, or just about anything else that is commanded in the Bible. While it may be easier to care for orphans and show hospitality if you are married it is also entirely possible to do so if you are single. Singleness does not disqualify you from any of God's commandments.
"I just want you to be happy," some say. Marriage equals happiness? I am positive that there is happiness in marriage but I am also absolutely certain that marriage is not the only way to be happy on this earth. Unless you're married to God.
Our God is a God of love, tenderness, compassion, kindness, giving, and encouragement. He is enough. He is enough for married people and for single people. The longer I stay single the more in-love with Jesus I become. He will never leave me or forsake me, He always has time for me, He leads me with patience and rebukes me in love. I believe singleness, like all of God's providences, is a blessing.
Just as I need to encourage the mother who has been up five times in the night with a sad baby so I need to be encouraged by those around me that God's plan is good. We need to be people who remind each other of His promises and do it often. We all need to be encouraged to live sold-out lives for Jesus no matter what our station is. We all need to be reminded to use our gifts and time in His service no matter what challenges may accompany our positions.
So is singleness a blessing or a curse? I suppose that will depend very much on you and how you chose to view it. Complaining is easier than rejoicing and submitting. But no complainer ever found joy until he was willing to submit. Singleness may not be your first choice for you or for a friend; but it's what our Heavenly Father has gifted. The question is; what will you do with it in regards to yourself and others? Bless or curse?
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