Gifts; Being Tired

It is 9:49 P.M. I.am.tired. This week has been pretty intense, what with a strange kind of eye infection for the almost-three-year-old, school ending for my emotional-miss-my-teacher-already-and-I-saw-her-thirty-minutes-ago nine and seven year-olds, and to put a cherry on top of this week of crazy; the four-year-old has a black eye.

A.black.eye.

And it's only Thursday. With tomorrow being our first official day of summer holidays who knows what will happen?

I am tired.

My body is tired from getting up early. My brain is tired from listening to small children say the same thing over and over and over again (and when I hide in the bathroom they find me and say the same things over and over and over again only this time it's through the door). And my heart is tired from caring about four little souls who need Jesus and my friend who just found out she has cancer and what about that friend stuck in a bad relationship?

And you know what? I tell God I'm tired. And this is what He says;

"Even youths shall faint and grow weary, and young men shall fall exhausted;" Isaiah 40:30

And I say, yes Lord. You've got that right. I'm exhausted. I need a vacation. I need to just go away and stop caring so much about people and have a break. Yeah, I need a break. And a book. And some tea. And a servant would be nice too.

And God says. "but they who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

And it's as if God smiles a kind, all-knowing, fatherly smile and says. "I know you're tired. You're human. I made you out of dust. I am God. I know what is best and I love you. Wait on me."

I read those words...and I'm still tired (like I should be in bed...an hour ago). But some how the load does not seem so heavy any more. God understands that I am tired and weary and need a break. But even more than needing a break He knows that I need Him. If I never grew tired or weary would I depend so heavily on God? No. Absolutely not. John Calvin said that our hearts are idol factories and I know my heart is always a high-production-operation in this regard; my biggest idol being myself. If I thought I had no need for God I would not depend on Him at all.

So I am thankful for being weary because it makes His sufficiency shine all the brighter.

And it also amazes me that often, when I feel like my fuel is low and I'm on the brink, He provides for me a time of rest. In His providence I have next week off work. And while my schedule is quickly filling up He has also left me time to relax and be with Him. To wait on Him. To renew my strength.

For the weariness and refreshing I am thankful.

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