In Ontario, we are in the midst of our two week Christmas break. I've never had a two week Christmas break before because I've always worked jobs that required someone to be there, holidays or not. This year, I predominately teach and when the kids get a break, I get one too.
I am not busy now. I am reading books and plugging away at a school course, walking my subdivision and baking banana bread. And I am thinking. And I am noticing that God is not as close as He used to be.
I don't think I've ever had so much time off and stayed home. Years ago, I took time off to travel Europe, which meant a busy schedule and lots of excitement (if you go, take the train, not the bus). This time, I am spending most of my time tucked in my cozy apartment with a few excursions to visit family and friends.
I am not busy now. I am reading books and plugging away at a school course, walking my subdivision and baking banana bread. And I am thinking. And I am noticing that God is not as close as He used to be.
In the busy, it is easy to get up and do morning devotions and then move on to the next thing that must be done, but in the quiet and calm there is time to sit and wait and notice. There is no unconfessed sin on my part nor have I discontinued using the means of grace, and the felt absence of my Father's face is disconcerting--to say the least. I was telling a friend this and he replied with the wisdom I needed to hear, wisdom that I'm now going to share with you.
"God is a good Father, and He knows when He needs to let His kids search for Him and when He needs to reach down His hand and pick them up."
God knows.
He knows when I need to search and when I need to be held. He has not forgotten or left me. He is making me search for Him for my own good. I trust Him. I believe He is doing what is best. I do not feel the sunshine of His face, but I do believe the goodness of His character and His steadfast love which He has declared to me.
What I'm Reading Lately
- I just finished Watership Down by Richard Adams. It's an all time favourite of mine.
- I'm working through Be Thou My Vision by Gibson in my morning worship. It's beautiful and helpful.
- I'm also slowly working through Be Good to your Body by Jordan Lee Dooley
What I'm Enjoying Lately
- Vanilla Earl Gray Tea
- Slower visits with friends and inviting people over more
- Slowing down in general/not having a place I need to be every day
- Making sourdough
- Playing my piano
"Who is like unto you, O Lord, among the gods? Who is like you, glorious in holiness, fearful in praises, doing wonders? May we approach you with the humility which is due to your greatness, and the hope that becomes your goodness." William Jay (emphasis mine)


Comments
Post a Comment