by jot and tittle

 "I love the LORD, because He hears my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live." Psalm 116:1-2 NASB How can it be, that the God Who rules on high,  Who commands kings and kingdoms, also hears my cries?   This Maker, great and holy, rules through all eternity, The Captain of Angel Armies, Inclines His ear to me.   He knows my self, containing of dust and soul and sin. I have found distress and sorrow, I call to Him. Amazingly, with hearing ear, He gives heed to me, Whether I cry aloud or moan in mind, I know He sees.   Quiet, my soul, be quiet, and rest in God who never lies, I shall walk before the Lord, And on His strength rely.   What shall I render to the Lord, for all He gives to me? I lift my voice in thankfulness, To the God Who sees.  What I'm Reading  Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor by D.A. Carson. This is our book club book this month.  Andrew Bonar's comment...

 Life is full of ups and downs. One day you love your job, the next day you come home and eat a tub of ice cream. One day you're thriving as a mom, the next hiding in the bathroom while those mini-yous watch TV. Life is unsteady, and emotionally we are unsteady. Contentment in your place, whether its the life you dreamed of or not, can be a hard fight for self-control and joy. How many of us have asked the question why am I even here??  Probably everyone if they've lived long enough.  We may not be asking why am I here? as in, why do I exist in this world? rather, we may be asking why am I here? as in, why am I in this house, at this job, at this collage, at this church, living in this town? The latter are questions that I ask. Sometimes, when I listen to the way I feel, I feel that this home, this job, this church, this town are all a bit much, a little too hard, a little pointless, so why am I here anyway? Last week I finished reading the New Testament and circled back ...

 Yesterday morning I went to my outdoor aqua cycling class. This class involves stationary bikes in the outdoor public pool, an instructor, some music, me, and a bunch of grandmothers. Yes, it's me and a bunch of grandmothers. Between finishing our workout and doing the cool down, our instructor asked "if I get the waterslide going, would any of you want to go down it?" Immediately five or six women expressed great delight at the idea. As I watched the first woman come down the slide, screaming with happiness, I thought about how that's the type of older woman I want to be. These women, ranging from their mid fifties to mid seventies, show up to class with smiling faces and hair done. They are classy, happy ladies. They crack jokes and talk about their families and discuss where to go for lunch on Friday.  In my seventies I want to be the woman who can still do an exercise class, who has friends to get together with, who laughs, who is up to have fun. But I don't ...

Genesis 32 records Jacob's journey back to Canaan after serving his father-in-law for twenty years (Gen. 31:38). His brother, Esau, is on his way to meet Jacob, which freaks Jacob out because they did not part on the best of terms (Gen. 27: 41-28:5), and Jacob does what godly men do: he prays and reminds God of his promises. During his prayer in Genesis 32 he reminds God of this command and promise "Return to your country and to your family, and I will deal well with you" (ver. 9) and again in verse 12 he reminds God of His statement "I will surely treat you well."  This struck me because the rest of Jacob's life does not go what I would call "well". Sure, Esau doesn't kill him, but in the chapters that follow his daughter is raped and his sons slaughter a town, Rachel dies, Isaac dies, Joseph is sold into slavery, Judah strays from his family and from God and God kills his sons because of their wickedness, there's a famine and when Jacob...

 Grief is a crazy thing. Sometimes you cry till you fall asleep, sometimes you're angry, sometimes you can't feel anything, and sometimes you're so, so tried. Grief is also unpredictable in that it can take a long time to heal...and sometimes it feels like its been healed and then you're crying on your way home from the grocery store and you aren't even sure why. Grief is not logical and polite and convenient. It interrupts our lives on its terms. A couple mornings ago I was thinking about how tired I am. I'm not weepy or angry or even really sad, just tired, and this tiredness is physical, mental, and emotional. Which surprises me because my life is actually really great and I haven't had anything in recent months to be sad about. However, the more I contemplated it,  I think the tiredness is a long term symptom of a deep sadness that I lived in a couple years ago. Which is the first thing I wanted to share with you. Maybe, like me, there has been nothing r...

Then thousand thousand precious gifts my daily thanks employ; nor is the least a cheerful heart that tastes those gifts with joy.  This is the fourth verse in a hymn titled When All Your Mercies, O My God,  written by Joseph Addison in 1712. If you'd like to sing the verse, it's written in common meter, which just means you can use the tune of  Amazing Grace  or O For A Thousand Tongues to Sing  or a bunch of other common tunes to sing it. I've been singing through a hymn book in my private morning worship, and until a couple days ago I had never heard of this hymn.  The verse above is a beautiful thought, isn't it? Not only does God give us thousand thousand gifts, one of His kindest gifts is a cheerful heart that can enjoy them. Food, work, home, friends, family, all of them are good gifts, and another very good gift is the ability to enjoy them with a cheerful heart.  So this too is another reason to give thanks. We can thank God for cinnamon buns...

In the morning I've been reading through The Valley of Vision , a collection of Puritan prayers. It's a bit like praying through convicting poetry--beautiful and searching. Pages 122-123 contain a prayer called "Self-Knowledge" which begins with these lines: " Searcher of Hearts, it is a good day to me when thou givest me a glimpse of myself; Sin is my greatest evil, but thou art my greatest good; I have cause to loathe myself, and not to seek self-honour, for no one desires to commend his own dunghill." No one desires to commend his own dunghill.  What a phrase. And notice how this godly man connects seeking your own honour with commending your own dunghill. I've been thinking about this because  seeking my own honour exactly what I do. Would you like to know what I'm good at? Just ask me. I'll tell you.  However, the only reason there is any honour about me or anything honourable in my life is because of the grace of God and the work of the Hol...