After my last post it was brought to my attention that modesty rules don't apply only to women. A comment was brought up that there have been a lot of spandex legs walking around lately with the warmer weather and the need to exercise out of doors. Let me just speak the unspoken rule that spandex (and it close relative; leggings) are not pants and should not be treated as such...EVER. Now that we have that cleared up I would like to share with you something that is a bigger problem among men when it comes to them being modest toward women. It has to do with emotions (you know, those feeling inside of you that make you do things. Men seem to think they don't have any of them while women have been blessed in abundance.)
The dictionary definition of modesty is "regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress"(from dictionary.com). The problem men face in being modest is not so much in their dress (now that we've dealt with the issue of spandex) but with the issue of decency in behavior and speech.
Let me put this simply; girls have hearts.
I don't mean that you don't have hearts. I mean we have really touchy hearts. Let me explain.
Girls mature a lot sooner than guys do (no offense, it's true). While guys are busy thinking about cars and building stuff and burning stuff and whatever else they think about, girls are thinking about the future and that future probably involves you--if you're male and breathing--and a house and kids and a stable life and maybe a dog. I hope you are still breathing. I would say what most girls think about is marriage and living "happily ever after" with prince charming. Most of them don't want big careers and nice cars. They want you and a house full of children to love. That's what they think about and it's what they think you think about too.
When a guy flirts with a girl it's probable that she will think he likes her, like wants to live with her till they're 80 and in the nursing home likes her. He probably thinks it's just fun to get her attention. But here's the thing; girls read into everything.
Now I don't want to paint all girls with the same broad brush. Some girls are really good at not reading into everything, especially if they have a clearly defined relationship with the guy in question. For example, I have some very good guy friends who I've talked to about our relationship and we both know where we stand when it comes to the romance stuff. We're clear on being just friends so we can joke around and have a great time without anyone's heart getting broken.
But, if you are a guy and you have a friend who is a girl and you don't have a clearly defined relationship with her be careful that you don't lead her on. Her heart is not yours, it's hers and God's and her future husbands. Don't mess with it for fun. Don't flirt or be overly friendly. Don't tempt her to sin. The passage in Matthew 18:6 applies to you leading her into sin as much as it applies to her dressing modestly for you. As the family of Jesus Christ we want to serve our God and Father and also love and look after our siblings. Everyone in the church is to be modest...how they are tempted to be immodest is different. Just as it is wrong for a girl to lead you into sin by her clothing choice, it is wrong for you to lead her on when you have no intention of commitment.
But how do you know if you are flirting or being overly friendly and leading her into sin? A good rule of thumb is to imagine her future husband (who will be really protective and a lot bigger than you) is standing right next to her...reading your texts to her and watching you interact with her. If you feel uncomfortable with thinking about how her husband would feel about how you are acting you should probably stop doing what you're doing. Another thing to do is ask your sister or mom or some other woman what she thinks about your relationship. Women understand other women better than men do (I know, shocker). Or if you get the feeling that she thinks you are "more than friends" you could move to another country and delete her from every media device you have...or you could just talk to her.
I would like to challenge my brothers in Christ to be men and protect the hearts of their sisters. You're men. You're awesome at protecting stuff. But also to search out and know what God would have you do and who He would have you marry. A pastor I know recently commented that there is a man drought among the churches. There are not enough Christian men who take their faith, the doctrine of covenant, and the idea of family seriously.
Guard your heart and the heart of your sisters and be the man God wants you to be.
(The idea for this post came from a friend who was talking about a collage experience she had with a guy a few years ago. She has since married a different man and they have a beautiful daughter. However, she did point out that men don't understand the hearts of women and they seem to like to "lead them on and then drop them like it's a game". It also stemmed from two of my recent blog posts "If I hear the word modesty one more time" and "Hi, I'm a girl". My purpose was not to hurt anyone's feelings but to bring attention to the issue. Trust me, girls don't like to be harped on about physical modesty either. And it's not just the guys responsibility. Just as guys must guard their eyes so girls must guard their hearts. Thanks for reading!)
The dictionary definition of modesty is "regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress"(from dictionary.com). The problem men face in being modest is not so much in their dress (now that we've dealt with the issue of spandex) but with the issue of decency in behavior and speech.
Let me put this simply; girls have hearts.
I don't mean that you don't have hearts. I mean we have really touchy hearts. Let me explain.
Girls mature a lot sooner than guys do (no offense, it's true). While guys are busy thinking about cars and building stuff and burning stuff and whatever else they think about, girls are thinking about the future and that future probably involves you--if you're male and breathing--and a house and kids and a stable life and maybe a dog. I hope you are still breathing. I would say what most girls think about is marriage and living "happily ever after" with prince charming. Most of them don't want big careers and nice cars. They want you and a house full of children to love. That's what they think about and it's what they think you think about too.
When a guy flirts with a girl it's probable that she will think he likes her, like wants to live with her till they're 80 and in the nursing home likes her. He probably thinks it's just fun to get her attention. But here's the thing; girls read into everything.
Now I don't want to paint all girls with the same broad brush. Some girls are really good at not reading into everything, especially if they have a clearly defined relationship with the guy in question. For example, I have some very good guy friends who I've talked to about our relationship and we both know where we stand when it comes to the romance stuff. We're clear on being just friends so we can joke around and have a great time without anyone's heart getting broken.
But, if you are a guy and you have a friend who is a girl and you don't have a clearly defined relationship with her be careful that you don't lead her on. Her heart is not yours, it's hers and God's and her future husbands. Don't mess with it for fun. Don't flirt or be overly friendly. Don't tempt her to sin. The passage in Matthew 18:6 applies to you leading her into sin as much as it applies to her dressing modestly for you. As the family of Jesus Christ we want to serve our God and Father and also love and look after our siblings. Everyone in the church is to be modest...how they are tempted to be immodest is different. Just as it is wrong for a girl to lead you into sin by her clothing choice, it is wrong for you to lead her on when you have no intention of commitment.
But how do you know if you are flirting or being overly friendly and leading her into sin? A good rule of thumb is to imagine her future husband (who will be really protective and a lot bigger than you) is standing right next to her...reading your texts to her and watching you interact with her. If you feel uncomfortable with thinking about how her husband would feel about how you are acting you should probably stop doing what you're doing. Another thing to do is ask your sister or mom or some other woman what she thinks about your relationship. Women understand other women better than men do (I know, shocker). Or if you get the feeling that she thinks you are "more than friends" you could move to another country and delete her from every media device you have...or you could just talk to her.
I would like to challenge my brothers in Christ to be men and protect the hearts of their sisters. You're men. You're awesome at protecting stuff. But also to search out and know what God would have you do and who He would have you marry. A pastor I know recently commented that there is a man drought among the churches. There are not enough Christian men who take their faith, the doctrine of covenant, and the idea of family seriously.
Guard your heart and the heart of your sisters and be the man God wants you to be.
(The idea for this post came from a friend who was talking about a collage experience she had with a guy a few years ago. She has since married a different man and they have a beautiful daughter. However, she did point out that men don't understand the hearts of women and they seem to like to "lead them on and then drop them like it's a game". It also stemmed from two of my recent blog posts "If I hear the word modesty one more time" and "Hi, I'm a girl". My purpose was not to hurt anyone's feelings but to bring attention to the issue. Trust me, girls don't like to be harped on about physical modesty either. And it's not just the guys responsibility. Just as guys must guard their eyes so girls must guard their hearts. Thanks for reading!)
great post.... and a good reminder for us girls to be careful with emotional modesty as well :S I know that sometimes I don't think about how I may be leading a guy on as well.
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