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Delayed Grief

 Grief is a crazy thing. Sometimes you cry till you fall asleep, sometimes you're angry, sometimes you can't feel anything, and sometimes you're so, so tried. Grief is also unpredictable in that it can take a long time to heal...and sometimes it feels like its been healed and then you're crying on your way home from the grocery store and you aren't even sure why. Grief is not logical and polite and convenient. It interrupts our lives on its terms.

A couple mornings ago I was thinking about how tired I am. I'm not weepy or angry or even really sad, just tired, and this tiredness is physical, mental, and emotional. Which surprises me because my life is actually really great and I haven't had anything in recent months to be sad about. However, the more I contemplated it,  I think the tiredness is a long term symptom of a deep sadness that I lived in a couple years ago.

Which is the first thing I wanted to share with you. Maybe, like me, there has been nothing recently to make you sad, everything is going well, and you're surprised to experience symptoms of grief. Maybe, just maybe, those symptoms are from a long ago grief: a lost loved one, lost job, lost relationship, lost baby, or a loss of something you never experienced, like never knowing your parents or never getting married. In this world of sin we experience a world of loss. 

The second thing I wanted to share is that you don't have to grieve alone. In my own puzzlement, the Holy Spirit supplied me with this song:

Jesus said that if I thirst, I should come to Him

No one else can satisfy, I should come to Him.

Jesus said, if I am weak, I should come to Him. 

No one else should be my strength, I should come to Him. 

For the Lord is good and faithful, He will keep us day and night. 

We can always run to Jesus. Jesus, strong and kind. 


So we take our sad things, the things we don't understand, and we bring them to Jesus. 

Jesus, I am sad about _________. You know. You know everything. I don't understand why this has happened, it seems so unfair and illogical. It is too hard for me. But it is not too hard for you. I am weak but you are strong. I am grieved and you are the Comforter. Please, strengthen and comfort me.

He is not disappointed in such praying. He wants to hear our sorrows. He even tells us to cast our burdens upon Him because He will sustain us. Maybe the long lasting affects of grief are to keep us close to Him. Maybe He knows that if I were not so tired I would run too far, I would not hold His hand. 

The grief is not bad if it makes us draw closer to God, because being close to Him is exactly what God wants. Being close to God is our greatest good. 


What I'm Reading 

    • Amazing Love by Corrie ten Boom. I'm taking a break from Andrew Bonar's life and diary before bed and reading this one by Corrie instead. 
    • The Memories We Painted by Cailtin Miller. 
    • The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society  by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. This is a book club book we I just started it. We meet on Wednesday next week. 
    • Holier Than Thou by Jackie Hill Perry 
    • A History of Britain in 21 Women by Jenni Murray 
    • I also finished All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr last week. 
Unless it's a novel, I don't typically read through a book in one week (or if it's a book club book and I have 4 days until book club). I typically go back and forth between several books at the same time. I've been reading Holier than Thou for months.  

What I'm Enjoying 

    • tiny frosties from Wendy's. At the beginning of the year, I went to Wendy's and they asked me if I would like to buy a coupon thing that would get me free frosties for a year with every purchase of a combo meal or large salad. It was $3. I said yes. So I enjoy Wendy's about once a month, get a free tiny frosty, and support adoption because Wendy's supports adoption. 
    • walking bare foot
    • a pedicure with friends last week
    • my friends' house which entertains me with children, a pool, and often a campfire. 


"The devil often laughs when we work, but he trembles when we pray." Corrie ten Boom

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