by jot and tittle

 The Lord graciously made me with a happy disposition. My natural bent is joy. A couple years ago, however, something happened that shattered my heart. Due to the extreme emotional hurt, I was physically ill. I cried every day for weeks, then a couple times a week for months. For a long time I was sad. For years, the truest, deepest emotion I felt was sadness. When you live with sadness you get pretty good at carrying on. You live your normal life but where the world used to be full of colour, now your life is tinted by grief. If someone asked "how are you?" I could honestly say "good" because I was walking closely with God, but if someone had asked "how do you feel?" I would have had to reply "sad."  Psalm 66 became the theme of my emotional experience. "You brought us through fire and through water, you laid a crushing burden on our backs."  That's how I felt.  All the time.  Surrounded by fire and water, often burdened beyond wha...

 Sometimes I wonder at this little life. What am I even doing here and why does it matter? My life contains little or nothing that would interest a biographer, no great discoveries or acts of heroism. Sleeping, waking, praying, reading, dishes, vacuuming, working, exercising, going to church, family and friends, checking the mail and taking out the trash, these are the everyday and every week things.  The stuff that would not interest a biographer is precisely what has interested God. Reading through 1 Chronicles, I've been introduced to a number of people with little lives--lives not so unlike mine--who have been remembered. In chapter 4:9-10 we meet Jabez, who's name means pain  but he was honourable and wanted to be kept from harm and pain, so he prayed, "And God granted what he asked."  4:21 tells of linen workers, 4:23 tells of potters who were in the king's service, 4:42-43 tells of Simeonites who destroyed the remaining Amalekites (the people that Saul wa...

 Lately I've noticed that people are a bit on edge, a bit irritable, a bit sad, a bit off. Sometimes, when I examine my own heart, I am one of these people. Perhaps it's the let down after Christmas, perhaps it's all the grey days we had in January, perhaps its all the time spent inside. I don't know. But I do know many people have been feeling down and overwhelmed and weary.  Perhaps it's just the day-in, day-out reality of waking up, vacuuming, going to work, feeding the children, exercising, taking the garbage out, school, church, and the small, unpleasant interruptions along the way. The co-workers swearing as they tell their story, the child who does not listen and need correction again, the dishes that are never done, the school readings that are always awaiting you.  We must rid ourselves of the delusion that it is major events which most determine a person. He is more deeply and lastingly influenced by the tiny catastrophes of which everyday existence is mad...

For as long as you can remember, you have been told that normal people sleep through the night. You've been trained to sleep through the night. The vast majority of your friends sleep through the night. Your entire family sleeps through the night. Everyone at church sleeps through the night. But you don't.  At first, a number of years ago, you were really frustrated about not sleeping through the night, and the frustration was compounded by people consistently asking questions as to your ability to sleep. Have you tried medication? Have you turned all your screens off before bed? Do you exercise? Do you drink caffeine in the afternoon? The fact of the matter is, you do all the things you're supposed to do, but you still wake up in the middle of the night, for apparently no reason.  You're confused and frustrated, so you pray. The next night, when it happens again, you pray. Soon, waking up in the night has changed from a time of frustration to a time of worship and gett...

 A couple weeks ago I spoke a story on Instagram that received mixed reviews. I was talking about all the happy reels that people had posted, summing up their 2023. Birthdays, weddings, ultrasounds, babies, vacations, all the things. And I said that if you had posted a happy reel that was great, I'm glad you had a good 2023, but I just wanted to say a few things to the people who didn't post a happy reel because they did not have a happy 2023. For some people 2023 was incredibly hard. Then I talked about Psalm 136. You know that one. The refrain goes "for His mercy endures forever."  Here's a brief summery of the mixed responses. The people who had a difficult 2023 messaged me saying "thank you for giving voice to our feelings." The people who had a great 2023 responded that its fine to post about one's own happiness even if other people had a difficult time. And you know what, they're both right and maybe I'll talk about that in later blog p...

The gospel is amazing. We are sinners, and our sin separates us from God. In our natural state, the Bible calls us dead (Ephesians 2), in the domain of darkness (Colossians 1) and enemies of God (Romans 8). But God doesn't leave us that way. Jesus came to the world as the God-Man, lived a perfect life as a substitute for our sinful life, died on the cross, rose from the dead, ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father, interceding for us.  The gospel.  But salvation is not the end of the Christian story. Salvation is not, fundamentally, about getting into Heaven when we die, but about living in relationship with God as we were created to do. Jesus has broken down the dividing wall of hostility (Ephesians 2) and has transferred us from the domain of darkness into the kingdom of light (Colossians 1), so that we can live each day with God.  For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and wo...

We want a whole, happy, calm life. We want to be healthy. In "crunchie" circles, people use essential oils, grow their own produce, and stop using plastics. In Christian circles, there is an idea, an ideology, gaining ground that presupposes a holistic, restful life is possible if one follows the spiritual disciplines of the desert fathers and mothers. Mysticism. Prayer, scripture, silence, solitude, sabbath, fasting, rest, etc. (If you're looking for a couple interesting reads on this topic you could see these books by Jefferson Bethke and John Mark Comer. ) I want a holistic, happy, balanced life. My kitchen contains wooden cutting boards and loose leaf tea. I begin all my mornings with homemade kombucha, prayer, quiet, and scripture. I do Pilates throughout the week and hold the Lord's Day as holy every Sunday.  And I'm tired. And I'm weary.  And I wonder if that's just how it is in this sin-soaked world as we run to Heaven.  After all, the Spirit tell...