by jot and tittle

 A couple weeks ago, a young woman asked me, "what is your purpose?" at kind of threw me off. Ok, it really threw me off. It seemed a bit touché to say "to glorify God and enjoy Him forever" when she was looking for specifics. And I get why she's asking. My life does seem pretty random. Thirty-two years old, working on my BA, teaching music part time, working at a coffee shop part time, and living at least an hour from my closest family member. On paper it looks...well...it looks random. I get it. Kind of hard to pull a purpose out of the randomness.  I was talking to the Lord about it because sometimes, even for myself, the person living this life, it's hard to find a specific purpose in the randomness. Sometimes I wonder,  when I get to Heaven if I'm  going to have anything to offer God, if while other people show up with their kids, I'm going to hold out empty hands and say "it's just me." I mean, if He wants soldiers to defeat spiri...

After reading that title, are you singing the Phil Collins song from Tarzan? I was. In my head. During prayer meeting. The theme for prayer that evening was the 3rd commandment; you shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain . We bowed our heads and began praying around the circle. My dear friend sat beside me and prayed for her children and the children of our church. She prayed that they would never a know a day not loving the name of the Lord, that they would cling to Him and honour Him all the days of their lives. I went next. I prayed for my coworkers, so many of them living far, far from God, so many enslaved to sin. I prayed that they would know Jesus, honestly ask Him to forgive them, and then live the rest of their lives loving His name and bringing that Name glory. The same desire spurred our prayers, but the places we dwell in had a huge effect on how we prayed. And that's when that song from my childhood came to mind. The truth is that we are one family, my f...

 A group of woman sat around a table; laughing, sharing stories, teasing each other. It was light hearted, a refreshment after a day in the trenches of life. One woman was being teased quite heavily and good-natured laughter danced through the air. What a gifts friendship and laughter are. Then I caught a glance of the woman's face. She was politely smiling, but definitely not laughing. That good natured teasing had gone too far. It had hit a nerve. Her eyes were begging for it to stop.  The subject changed and the conversation moved on. Later, when I contemplated the situation (as one does laying in bed at night) I thought that was not our best work . The women around that table were women pursing God, women who love each other, women who truly want what is best for each other, women who know how to be an encouragement. However, in this instance, we chose to laugh over a subject we are not sensitive too, at the expense of another woman's comfort because she was sensitive to i...

 As I shared in my previous post, I've been working through the book "Psalms in 30 Days," which means every morning I begin with a Psalm, or two, or three. This morning the Psalms were Psalm 20&23.  May the LORD answer you in the day of trouble; may the name of Jacob's God protect you.  Psalm 20:1 CBS LORD, covenant keeping God, please protect me at work today, and protect my friend who is due to have a baby very soon, and protect my friend who is afraid. Thank you that you are our strong tower, our defense and fortress. Thank you that no weapon that is formed against you can stand, that you are mighty to save. You are good. Help us to see you and believe you, trust you and depend on you.  May he give you what your heart desires and fulfil your whole purpose. Let us shout for joy at your victory and lift the banner in the name of our God. May the LORD fulfil all your requests. Psalm 20:4-5 CBS Yes LORD, please fulfil our purposes. We are here to walk with you and...

I've been using the book, "Psalms in 30 Days," during my morning worship. Yesterday I read Psalm 11. It begins with the Psalmist declaring "I have taken refuge in the LORD" and then he asks, "how can you say to me, 'escape to the mountains like a bird! For look; the wicked string bows...When the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?'" (verse 1-3 CBS). The wicked are taunting him, trying to get him to focus on all the bad stuff and freak out.  He replies that he's taken refuge in the LORD. "Why are you encouraging me to fear and flee? Why are you bringing me to despair by pointing out that the foundations are destroyed and then asking what I am going to do about it?"  The LORD is in His holy temple. The LORD-His throne is in Heaven. His eyes watch. His gaze examines everyone. The LORD examines the righteous, but he hates the wicked and those who love violence...for the LORD is righteous; He loves righteous deeds. Th...

 The Lord graciously made me with a happy disposition. My natural bent is joy. A couple years ago, however, something happened that shattered my heart. Due to the extreme emotional hurt, I was physically ill. I cried every day for weeks, then a couple times a week for months. For a long time I was sad. For years, the truest, deepest emotion I felt was sadness. When you live with sadness you get pretty good at carrying on. You live your normal life but where the world used to be full of colour, now your life is tinted by grief. If someone asked "how are you?" I could honestly say "good" because I was walking closely with God, but if someone had asked "how do you feel?" I would have had to reply "sad."  Psalm 66 became the theme of my emotional experience. "You brought us through fire and through water, you laid a crushing burden on our backs."  That's how I felt.  All the time.  Surrounded by fire and water, often burdened beyond wha...

 Sometimes I wonder at this little life. What am I even doing here and why does it matter? My life contains little or nothing that would interest a biographer, no great discoveries or acts of heroism. Sleeping, waking, praying, reading, dishes, vacuuming, working, exercising, going to church, family and friends, checking the mail and taking out the trash, these are the everyday and every week things.  The stuff that would not interest a biographer is precisely what has interested God. Reading through 1 Chronicles, I've been introduced to a number of people with little lives--lives not so unlike mine--who have been remembered. In chapter 4:9-10 we meet Jabez, who's name means pain  but he was honourable and wanted to be kept from harm and pain, so he prayed, "And God granted what he asked."  4:21 tells of linen workers, 4:23 tells of potters who were in the king's service, 4:42-43 tells of Simeonites who destroyed the remaining Amalekites (the people that Saul wa...

 Lately I've noticed that people are a bit on edge, a bit irritable, a bit sad, a bit off. Sometimes, when I examine my own heart, I am one of these people. Perhaps it's the let down after Christmas, perhaps it's all the grey days we had in January, perhaps its all the time spent inside. I don't know. But I do know many people have been feeling down and overwhelmed and weary.  Perhaps it's just the day-in, day-out reality of waking up, vacuuming, going to work, feeding the children, exercising, taking the garbage out, school, church, and the small, unpleasant interruptions along the way. The co-workers swearing as they tell their story, the child who does not listen and need correction again, the dishes that are never done, the school readings that are always awaiting you.  We must rid ourselves of the delusion that it is major events which most determine a person. He is more deeply and lastingly influenced by the tiny catastrophes of which everyday existence is mad...

For as long as you can remember, you have been told that normal people sleep through the night. You've been trained to sleep through the night. The vast majority of your friends sleep through the night. Your entire family sleeps through the night. Everyone at church sleeps through the night. But you don't.  At first, a number of years ago, you were really frustrated about not sleeping through the night, and the frustration was compounded by people consistently asking questions as to your ability to sleep. Have you tried medication? Have you turned all your screens off before bed? Do you exercise? Do you drink caffeine in the afternoon? The fact of the matter is, you do all the things you're supposed to do, but you still wake up in the middle of the night, for apparently no reason.  You're confused and frustrated, so you pray. The next night, when it happens again, you pray. Soon, waking up in the night has changed from a time of frustration to a time of worship and gett...

 A couple weeks ago I spoke a story on Instagram that received mixed reviews. I was talking about all the happy reels that people had posted, summing up their 2023. Birthdays, weddings, ultrasounds, babies, vacations, all the things. And I said that if you had posted a happy reel that was great, I'm glad you had a good 2023, but I just wanted to say a few things to the people who didn't post a happy reel because they did not have a happy 2023. For some people 2023 was incredibly hard. Then I talked about Psalm 136. You know that one. The refrain goes "for His mercy endures forever."  Here's a brief summery of the mixed responses. The people who had a difficult 2023 messaged me saying "thank you for giving voice to our feelings." The people who had a great 2023 responded that its fine to post about one's own happiness even if other people had a difficult time. And you know what, they're both right and maybe I'll talk about that in later blog p...